Easy Rewards in Ramadan

Ramadan is finally here and the excitement in our hearts to please Allah is soaring day by day. We have listened to lectures and read messages about the importance of this holy month and the amount of reward we attain by engaging ourselves in ibadah.

Even after knowing so much, we lag to keep up the zeal throughout Ramadan. With each passing day, our excitement reduces and we tend to sulk and drag ourselves for every Salaah. We fail to keep up the promises we made to ourselves on the first day of Ramadan.

But we are humans with mood swings and not every day turns out to be a planned day. I’m sure many can relate, so, I have decided to list few details to follow this month not only on high days but also on lower days. This way, we won’t waste any day of this holy month and earn at least some reward even on bad days.

Also, there are some people known as Ramadan Muslims. Although I don’t associate anyone with any term because we aren’t here to judge others based on piety but certainly, there are people who only pray or read Qur’an in Ramadan. I personally appreciate such people for their effort to acknowledge Allah during this blessed month. But I’ve seen it’s really difficult for them to stop continuing their normal life and become a practicing Muslim immediately. Obviously, Hidayah (guidance) is from Allah and He guides whom He wills but it takes time. One crescent moon cannot change a person. Hence, I have some baby steps for them as well because somewhere I fall in this category too.

This post is not for pious people who spend their 30 days only worshipping Allah. Honestly, you guys are goals! May Allah grant us all Hidayah to worship Him just the way He loves.

Here is a list of few actions we can do to gain better rewards in Ramadan:

1. Cutting off connection with our phones: Before any of you get a mild attack, let me rephrase the sentence to ‘Reducing connection with our phones.’ Without internet, life today feels worse than the ancient era but the most time-consuming devices are cell phones along internet connection. I understand how difficult it gets to cut off completely from technology but we can always reduce it. Go through settings on your phone and uninstall the app(s) that consumes most of your time. If it’s not important, then uninstall. You may have sweaty palms and itchy fingers but trust me, it’ll yield better fruits. One month is not a long time.

2. Dhikr: The easiest thing we can do by sitting at one place is dhikr of Allah. Be it on your fingers or prayer beads but small movement of our lips can bring us a lot of rewards. The easiest ones are Tasbeeh, Tahmid and Taqbeer. Also istigfaar, durood, Shahadah and kalimahs can be read. They hardly take few minutes and can be uttered anytime during the day and the rewards are in multiples.

3. Dua: Make dua in abundance. Yes, dua is a form of worship and Allah loves those who ask Him. Our Prophet (saws) said, “Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Source: Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi).

Ask him everything, no matter how small or big it is. Even if it is not answered immediately, He will answer it later or in the Hereafter but your dua won’t be left hanging.

4. Istigfaar: Istigfaar means asking Allah for forgiveness for all the sins committed intentionally or unintentionally. Allah is Ar-Rahman, The Most Compassionate and Al-Ghafoor, The Most Forgiving. He loves to forgive His slaves. Only we know where we stand when it comes to sinning, hence, this is the best opportunity to convince our Lord and beg for forgiveness.

5. Salah: It might be difficult to pray 5 times a day at once or to pray on time but Alhamdulillah I’ve seen mosques packed with people during this month. Those who get a chance to pray in jama’at at mosques are really lucky. Try to never miss it. This way, you will complete all prayers on time and also earn greater rewards for praying in a mosque. People who already have the habit of praying daily should try incorporating Sunnah and nafl (voluntary) Salaah. If not daily, let’s make it alternate days or once in a week but let’s start! Nothing is better than a pure intention, Allah is there to help for the rest.

6. Tahajjud: Praying Tahajjud has been my childhood dream which still remains a dream. It’s like an uphill battle to give up sleep and get up in the middle of night to worship but there’s no harm in trying, is there?

I know it won’t be easy nor do I ask you to get up daily, but maybe praying once a week or in ten days. Set as many alarms as possible and make a niyyah (intention) before sleeping. Allah helps those who help themselves. Believe me, those few moments before Fajr is worth more than anything in this world. It’s the best feeling ever. Like EVER!

7. Recitation of Quran: Allah says in the Holy Quran Surah 2, Ayah 185:

شَهْرُ رَمَضَانَ الَّذِىٓ أُنْزِلَ فِيْهِ الْقُرْءَانُ
The month of Ramadan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur’an.

This is a month to establish our relationship with Quran. Though we read Quran in taraweeh but try to read it yourself pondering over its meaning. Even if you don’t complete one Quran in 30 days, at least start, in few upcoming months we will begin to love this book for the beauty it contains.

8. Charity: Alhamdulillah, every year our parents calculate the amount of charity prescribed on us and donate in this month. As children, we don’t take charity seriously, so let’s aim to do our bit this year. Try removing 1 Rs, 10 Rs, 50 Rs or anything that you can afford on a daily basis and give it as charity. Since rewards are multiplied in Ramadan, a single penny will obtain us multiplied reward.

9. Start everything with Bismillah: Since the post is about small deeds which transform into expanded rewards, why not do something that doesn’t cost us anything but get in bonus? Performing any task in the name of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala opens up the doors of Mercy and blessings from our Lord as it is pleasing that we, His slaves, remember Him before doing an action. Remember the first ayah revealed on Prophet Mohammad (saws) –

اَقْرَأْ بِاسْمِ رَبِّكَ الَّذِى خَلَقَ

Read! In the Name of your Lord who has created (all that exists.)
(Surah Al-‘Alaq, Ayah 1)

This ayah clearly displays the importance of beginning everything in the name of Allah.

10. Incorporating Sunnah: Let us try including as many Sunnahs as we can. Be it the smallest one – like sitting to drink water or drinking water in three sips. Remember, each action has multiple rewards, so why let this opportunity slip away?

11. Memorization of Qur’an: Let us memorize at least a single verse of Quran. No matter how big or small it is, let’s do it. The one who memorized The Quran shall come on The Day of Judgement and (the reward for reciting The Quran) says: ‘O Lord! Decorate him.’ So he is donned with a crown of nobility. Then it says: ‘O Lord! Give him more!’ So he is donned with a suit of nobility. Then it says: ‘O Lord! Be pleased with him.’ So He is pleased with him and says: ‘Recite and rise up, and be increased in reward with every Ayah.’ (Source: Tirmidhi)

12. Planning activities: It’s always better to plan and jot down tasks for a day. It not only helps us to adjust our schedule but also to be prepared for all our activities beforehand.

13. Intention: Last but not the least, let’s make a pure intention in our hearts. Say it to Allah that it is for Him and Him alone. Allah loves His slaves attending to Him. Remember no deed is small in the eyes of Allah. Keep it a secret between you and Allah and not for His creation.

Make dua for the people of Palestine, Gaza, Syria, Burma, Kashmir and all around the world. May Allah protect everyone and bless us all with His mercy. May Allah forgive all our sins and grant us Jannah.

Have a blessed Ramadan everyone. Remember me, my family, my little sister who helps me edit my blog and the entire Ummah.

Those who have something useful to share can comment down below so that it also help others, in Sha Allah.

JazakAllahu Khair. Assalaamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu 🙂


Our Hijab

Today, I picked a topic that commonly prevails in a Muslim society, in short – a Muslim woman’s life. Yes, the hijab talk. So what exactly is a hijab?
A cloth used by a female to cover her hair and chest. Whenever I hear this word, my mind instantly draws me to a covered woman in a long, loose garment. The Quran clearly specifies it in Surah An-Noor, Ayah 31:

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنٰتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصٰرِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوْجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِيْنَ زِيْنَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَاۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوْبِهِنَّۖ وَلَا يُبْدِيْنَ زِيْنَتَهُنَّ

“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment.”

When a girl hits puberty, she is introduced to a restriction list. Her wardrobe is replaced with long, flowing clothes, she is advised to maintain distance from the opposite sex and to focus on what the Quran inferred her to be. She is asked to adapt the hijab.

But does hijab only confine to a woman? Is it compulsory only for a female to habituate hijab and live by it all her life?

Yes; when you look at our society, you will see obligations imposed only on a woman. A man is independent of these factors but Has Allah only asked the woman to conceal her modesty and protect her chastity? No.

Before Allah ordered a woman to cover herself, He, The Almighty, commanded a man to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.

Surah An-Noor, Ayah 30 says:

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا۟ مِنْ أَبْصَٰرِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا۟ فُرُوجَهُمْۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرٌۢ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

“Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do.”

We often confuse hijab as a women’s wear. A hijab is not just a piece of clothing used to cover a person’s body. Hijab does not simply mean hiding your hair from the opposite sex, hijab means a lot more than it.

Hijab is a way of life. It is a responsibility on a Muslim to live according to the Quran. When you accept hijab, you are accepting an ayah of the Quran. If you bring that ayah into life, you have to live by it.

Sadly, we have forgotten the sunnah.

Abdullah ibn Abbas (RA) narrated: “Al-Fadl bin Abbas rode behind Allah’s Messenger (saws) as his companion rider on the back portion of his she-camel on the day of Nahr (slaughtering of sacrifice, 10th Dhul-Hijja) and Al-Fadl was a handsome man. The Prophet (saws) stopped to give the people verdicts (regarding their matters). In the meantime, a beautiful woman from the tribe of Khatham came, asking the verdict of Allah’s Messenger. Al-Fadl started looking at her as her beauty attracted him. The Prophet (saws) looked behind while Al-Fadl was looking at her; so the Prophet (saws) held out his hand backward and caught the chin of Al-Fadl and turned his face (to the other side) in order that he should not gaze at her. [Sahih Bukhari]

Here, the Prophet (saws) did not ask the woman to cover her face but he (saws) turned his cousin’s face from the woman. Thus, hijab applies to both men and women equally.

Let’s look at the commandments of Allah for His believing servants on account of Hijab:

Lowering our gaze:
We all have to accept that the most difficult task for us in today’s world is to lower our gaze. No matter how much we try and avoid looking at our favorite celebrity crush, we still end up having just one glance and bam! Shaitaan does the rest of his job. He knows how to slip us off and indulge us in sin. He’s a trained master and we all fall into his trap.

My mother always says, “Fitnah starts with the eyes, protect them the most.” How I wish I could master this art and save myself from all the innumerable sin I indulge on a daily basis.

Let’s deal with it today, let’s make a pure intention in our hearts to lower our gaze. I know it won’t be easy to not look at fitnah when the world we live in, displays just that. But trust me, making dua and asking help from Allah makes it a lot easier, for Allah says in Surah Al-Ankaboot, Ayah 69:

وَالَّذِيْنَ جٰهَدُوْا فِيْنَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَاۚ وَإِنَّ اللّٰهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِيْنَ

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths.”

So make a promise to Allah, a promise to follow this sunnah. Allah helps us when we ask Him sincerely.

Allah is watching us:
The simplest thing in our life is to commit a sin. Hands down, we all are aware of it. Even if we know it is wrong, we still do it because subconsciously we forget for those few seconds that Allah is watching us. I know we all have been hearing this like since our childhood, “Be careful, Allah is watching you,” and we all know it, right?

But just think it this way, Allah, the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth, is watching us. He, The Most High is watching us. He, who has everything in His control is watching us. He, who has the power to turn my world upside down is watching us. He, The Most Forgiving is watching us.

Allah says in Surah Ghafir, Ayah 19:
يَعْلَمُ خَآئِنَةَ الْأَعْيُنِ وَمَا تُخْفِى الصُّدُوْرُ

“He knows that which deceives the eyes and what the breasts conceal.”

Doesn’t it induce goosebumps? So, next time when we need to lose out ourselves on a sin, think about this. I’m sure we can defeat the evil traits of shaytan a little bit at least?

Covering ourselves:
Practise the dress code Allah loves to see you in. This reminder is primarily for me before anyone else. Admit it or not but we all fantasize over the clothes which we are not supposed to wear. At least, I do. It’s okay to have desires, Allah doesn’t forbid us from having a liking towards something. Wear anything in your home, in front of people who you are allowed to but not in front of non-mehrams. We do not know what the other person is looking at. And here, I’m not just hinting to a woman to cover herself, men are equally advised about their clothing.

The Prophet (saws) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient.”
(Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1400)

Curbing our temptations:
Undoubtedly, the most common thing after our puberty is the occurrence of haram temptations. We all have gone through it or are still struggling with it. Be it a desire for intoxication, sexual temptation, lust, greed or anything that you can relate. Remember your Lord sees it all. We think it’s just a one-time stand whereas we forget that one time leads to multiple other times. I know it’s not easy to kill away these thoughts since it’s the most obvious thing happening almost elsewhere but seek out to your Lord. We fail to imagine the reward waiting for us in the Hereafter if we avoid falling into the devil’s trap.

Allah says in Surah An-Nazi’at Ayah 40 and 41:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهٖ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ
“But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from [unlawful] inclination.”

فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ هِىَ الْمَأْوَىٰ
“Then indeed, Paradise will be [his] refuge.”

Remember, shaitan wants our company in Hellfire, it’s on us whether to accompany him or make our final abode in Jannah forever. I will be writing a separate blog on this topic soon, In sha Allah.

These are few of the points which helped me and I intend these will help others too. I hope you find this post beneficial and with Allah’s help, we all can accomplish ourselves to be a better Muslim.

One more thing I would like to acknowledge is that I’m not perfect nor did I master myself in any of the above-mentioned points. I am still a struggling Muslimah seeking out to Allah to make me a better person that pleases Him and Him alone. Pray for me and all of us around the world.

Lastly, I would like to end this post with something I feel is so relevant to mention:

وَمَا كَانَ رَبُّكَ نَسِيًّا
“And your Lord never forgets.”
(Surah Maryam, Ayah 64)

The Perfectly Flawed

Isn’t it magical how a union between a male and a female results in the formation of a Human being? I was in awe reading about the Quranic verse that Allah has mentioned how He places a foetus inside a women’s belly. 

Allah described it so clearly in Surah Al-Mu’minun, Ayah 11,12,13:

وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنْسٰنَ مِنْ سُلٰلَةٍ مِّنْ طِيْنٍ 

And certainly did We create man from an extract of clay.
ثُمَّ جَعَلْنٰهُ نُطْفَةً فِى قَرَارٍ مَّكِيْنٍ

Then We placed him as a sperm-drop in a firm lodging.
ثُمَّ خَلَقْنَا النُّطْفَةَ عَلَقَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْعَلَقَةَ مُضْغَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْمُضْغَةَ عِظٰمًا فَكَسَوْنَا الْعِظٰمَ لَحْمًا ثُمَّ أَنْشَأْنٰهُ خَلْقًا ءَاخَرَۚ فَتَبَارَكَ اللّٰهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخٰلِقِيْنَ 

Then We made the sperm-drop into a clinging clot, and We made the clot into a lump [of flesh], and We made [from] the lump, bones, and We covered the bones with flesh; then We developed him into another creation. So blessed is Allah, the best of creators.

One of His name is Al Musawwir, the shaper of beauty. Indeed how diligently He shapes a little creature inside a female’s womb. How carefully has He placed every parts of our body at the right place! SubhanAllah all glory is to Him and Him alone.

Surely these verses strengthen one’s faith.

This brings me to my point of today’s blog. Few days ago, I was sitting with a group of aunties who were discussing about a girl’s proposal, barely interested in their talks I kept checking my phone every five seconds to kill time but then something gained my attention, the girl had vitiligo and after alot of struggle she was finally asked by someone for marriage. One lady suggested that the girl’s mother should agree quickly because she has a sick disease and no one prefers to marry people with white spots; others agreed too. Apparently I found out that the guy was not a good suitor for her but since she has white patches, she has to agree to the proposal sidelining her desires and choices.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement, I was devastated! I couldn’t believe our society still look down on people who are “blessed” by Allah. And in no way the term blessed here is used as a sarcasm. Truly these people are blessed. Allah tests us all in several ways, to some with hunger, to some with illness and wealth but living with a test all your life is the biggest of the tests. Surely, the Prophet (saws) mentioned, “Allah tests the one whom He loves”, so are they not blessed? Are they not among the favourites of Allah?

We can’t even assume what someone with vitiligo goes through each day. I read few posts about girls facing marriage issue, job issue and mostly societal issue just because their skin has transformed it’s colour due to Allah’s order.

We don’t even think for a single second before stamping them as ‘mis-fit’ in society. The reason I quoted the Quranic verse at the beginning was because I wanted to let everyone know that Allah is perfect. He has made us with special care, He looked after us even before we had our existence in this world. He doesn’t create flaws. If Allah has ordained someone to be in a certain way that is different from the rest, then it is only because He has planned something better for that person that our little brain could even fathom.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Surah Baqarah, Ayah 216:

وَعَسَىٰٓ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوْا شَيْئًا وَّهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَنْ تُحِبُّوْا شَيْئًا وَّهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْۗ وَاللّٰهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُوْنَ 

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

Truly, we know nothing of His Hikmah (wisdom).
If skin disease was a curse, Allah wouldn’t have afflicted His Prophet Ayub a.s. with it. Ayub a.s. suffered through his illness for 18 long years but SubhanAllah, when you read about his patience, it will leave you spellbound. Such are the blessed people of Allah! And we look down upon it as a curse, Allahu Akbar!

Not just vitiligo, I want to point out one more issue that prevails in our society. Living in a brown nation, one thing that we obsess over the most is white skin. Like everyone here wants to have their colour as white as milk. (White spots are looked down whereas white skin tone is the beauty of the town, ironic! Isn’t it??)

Whenever a girl is approached for marriage, the first thing people look at, is her skin colour. No matter what good character she may possess but she is most likely to be declined because she doesn’t fit in the society’s beauty standard. How often do we forget that colour has no place in Islam? It really doesn’t. Our Prophet (saws), the most honourable man to walk on this planet, married a black women Sawda bint Zam’a. 
Allah created Adam a.s. from different varieties of clay on earth, hence some are black, some brown, some white and likewise.
Allah mentions in Surah Ar-Rum, Ayah 22:

وَمِنْ ءَايٰتِهٖ خَلْقُ السَّمٰوٰتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاخْتِلٰفُ أَلْسِنَتِكُمْ وَأَلْوٰنِكُمْۚ إِنَّ فِى ذٰلِكَ لَءَايٰتٍ لِّلْعٰلِمِيْنَ 

And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge.

So to all my beautiful sisters, who feel less beautiful just because your skin tone does not match with your societal norms or have any discoloration of skin, you are beautiful in the eyes of Allah. Trust me! He created you with the best of His knowledge and in no way He Al Wadud creates flaws. He’s perfect 🙂

Dear Son,

Dear son,

Nothing brings a father more joy than seeing his kids happy and getting settled in their life. It makes me so happy to see that my little rock star son is ready to finally share his life with someone. Since you at getting married in a week, I feel it’s my responsibility to let you know your rights towards your wife.

Marriage doesn’t come easy, son. No matter how cheesy and exciting it sounds, It comes with a big responsibility, it comes with a heavy price. Not every man is capable enough to fulfil his obligations that Allah has ordained him in Quran towards his wife. Remember when you sign those paper and accept her as a wife, you are promising Allah that you will take care of her just like her father did and remember your witness is none other than the angels themselves. Remember that by signing those paper you have accepted to protect her, love her, cherish her and fulfil all her rights. Now you may say “Well everyone does that” but son, let me tell you, No not everyone is capable enough to do that. Being brought up in a Desi culture, wives here are not treated as how our Prophet (saws) used to treat them. We see a wife as a house wife, someone who could cook, clean and do the dishes, someone who can iron her husband’s clothes and get them properly done before him leaving for office, someone who can look after kids, in laws and all her husbands relatives. Someone who is suppose to kill all her desires and happiness for her husband’s family and her children. Someone who is not suppose to speak in front of her in laws, someone who is  constantly asked to be on active mode 24/7 and someone who has to adjust her life based on her husband’s preferences.
Allah mentioned in Holy Quran Surah Nisa:

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,

This ayah implies that a man has to look after his wife. A man is a maintainer and protector of women and not vice-versa. Today we practise just the opposite. Today a wife has to look after her husband’s need. If she doesn’t cook food for a single day, there will be no one else to cook on her behalf. A wife is no where asked to cook, clean or do the dishes in the Holy Quran . It was always her husbands duty to feed her. I know now you will say “A man earns for his wife” but son, that’s not enough. The ayah says it’s your duty to do all the chores that she does. Our prophet (saws) the greatest man to walk on earth did all his chores himself. Aisha the wife of Prophet (saws) was asked “What did the Prophet (saws) used to do at home?” and she said “He (saws) used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time of prayer, he would go to pray.”

Well if you are lucky enough to get a wife who happily does all these things without complaining,

Thank Allah. Indeed you are blessed! She is doing something beyond her rights.

Today it is looked down by our society if a man helps his wife at home.

Son, Allah has granted Men a rank higher than Women.

Verily Allah says in the Holy Quran Surah Baqarah:

وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ

but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. 

Allah has given men a status higher than women, not because we can rule over them or act bossy but because we have to protect her with all that we could. We have to look after her with our health and wealth. 
Keep these ayahs in your mind all your life and I’m sure you will prove to be the best husband to her. Spoil her at times, she deserves it. Lend your ears when she wants to speak, take her on holidays even if she doesn’t ask for, be there for her whenever she needs you, pamper her like a child, go on outings (even if it is a small evening walk), surprise her at times, talk to her about her dreams (she may have many), help her in establishing herself, cook for her on days when you’re at home. 

Just be there for her, for you are her only family.

Trust me son, you can’t earn a women just with your money, sometimes all they need is your comforting presence.

Be the husband that I couldn’t be to your mom. Surely the Prophet (saws) said it right

“The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.”

With love,

Your dad
Assalamu alaiekum warahmatullahi wabarkatahu. I wanted to write on this topic for so long and the  reason was our society. We live in a culture where wives are treated as a maid, trust me she is nothing more than a maid in a house. I’m not saying every household is same but many are still. When I read about the status of women in Islam, I wonder what are we following? Our Prophet  (saws) came as a mercy to mankind and specially for us women, he wiped away the Jahilliya (ignorance) that were prevailing in Arab back then but then why are we following it again?

Please read it and share with your male colleagues, friends and family.

Also this post is in no way demeaning a man’s status. Allah has granted them a higher position and it still retains. Truly Allah is All Wise and Just.

Tawwakul  (Trust in Allah)

I walked on road and saw a little child holding his mum’s hand while crossing the road. The way those tiny fingers were wrapped around his mum’s large one, I couldn’t help but smile. A tear escaped my eyes and I looked away flicking away the small drop from my face.

I reached home but the sight of that little baby with his mum couldn’t just leave off my mind. It’s more than 18 years for my marriage and maybe we are among those rare couples whom Allah has kept isolated from the happiness of a child.

After trying every possible treatment with the best doctors in the city for more than 15 years we got nothing but hopelessness. Finally we accepted it our fate. We know it’s all Allah’s plan. He knows much better than what our little mind could even imagine.

Things were very difficult in our initial stages of marriage. My husband loves kids hence he wanted them at the very beginning. I on the other hand was a bit apprehensive thinking about all the new responsibilities that would come with a baby. Since ours was an arrange marriage, I first wanted to spend some quality time with my husband rather than focusing on kids. Still we never really took any precautions. I left it all on my destiny. After two years of only trying, I could see my husbands change in behaviour, he would always be grumpy and very rigid towards me. He started blaming me for consuming pills secretly or not making enough efforts to have kids. He called me barren. He would often stay up late outside and would only show up at home to sleep. Life was changing drastically. Our happy marriage was turning gloomy. Our love that was once blooming started diminishing. He blamed me for every single bad thing that happened in his life. And to top it all we had our “So called relatives” who were only interested in knowing when was the happy news. I consulted every top gynocologist and tried to learn my defect. I was sure I lacked something in me. I did all sort of test and ate any medicine that the doctor prescribed just to get back the happiness on my husband’s face.

It was five years and things were more horrible in our life. My husband took up smoking. He worked more and more each day. Our weekends would end up either him outside with his friends or we both sitting quietly at the corners of our home.

One day after work I decided to talk to him. I wanted to talk to him about this for so long but couldn’t muster up the courage and it was that day I thought I was ready to face the reality. He came home late, as usual. After dinner I sat next to him in living room. He was surprised but didn’t asked me to go away like earlier. I held his hand that was resting on his thighs. I took a deep breathe and spoke “You know it’s almost 7 years and I am unable to give you a child. Hence I suggest you to get married again. Maybe the other lady will bring back all the lost happiness in your life” I ended once and for all. I couldn’t speak any more. Tears leaked through my eyes but I had prepared myself for this. I took a side glance at his face and noticed that he was fuming in anger. Suddenly he stood up shouting “You are no one to tell me what should I do and what should I not. You are worthless. A women who herself cannot produce any child is here to give me suggestions. Just go away, I don’t wanna ever see your face again.” Saying this he stomped inside the bedroom shutting the door with full speed.

It was enough. I couldn’t stand him or his words any more. His words tore apart my heart into million pieces. Next morning after he left for work I packed few of my clothes and left his house. After serving him for seven years, loving him with all my heart and sacrificing almost everything for him, this is what he gave in the end.

I ended up going at my parents place. And I guess that was the best decision of my life. At home, everyone welcomed me. I guess they were expecting me. No one asked me anything. No one treated me differently. It felt home but yes I missed my husband terribly. I would cry myself to sleep every night, I lost my health. His words kept repeating somewhere back inside my mind. I would curse myself day and night. I was one of those very rare women who couldn’t bear a child. I blamed me for everything. I tried giving up my life many times but the face of my parents would always stop me.

One night mum came inside my room at around 4 am. I was surprised to see that she was awake at this hour of the morning. She saw my tear stained face but didn’t ask me anything. I was glad she never pressurised me for anything. I kept my head on her lap and tear started coming out once again after seeing her affection. I hugged her tightly. “Why am I so unlucky? Why can’t I have kids just like others? Why don’t I have a happy family just like others? Why mum?” I cried on her lap and she kept quiet listening to me. “Darling you are not unlucky? It’s all Allah’s plan. He’s testing you beta. Everything is in His mighty power. Allah says in the Quran

“Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear”

Daughter He knows you are capable of this test. Not everyone can bear this big difficult. Allah knows my daughter is very strong to pass this test. Trust Him daughter. He doesn’t leave his slave unattended. Trust His perfect timing. He will grant you with the best in both the worlds.”

Her words comforted me. They were like an ointment to my wounded heart. I realized in all these years I never really went to Allah. I was just a Friday Muslim who prayed only on Fridays just for the sake of praying. I never reached out to Him whereas He was always there. And just thinking about Allah brought such peace to my heart. It was that day I made wudu and prayed fajr salah. I cried out to him in sujood. I told him all that was in my heart. I felt good. It felt as if someone is actually listening out to me. I asked him to give me sabr. That’s the only thing I asked him. I asked him for the lost happiness with my husband.

Since that day, I developed a relationship with my Allah that no one else knew about. I didn’t need anyone then. He was enough for me. I would spend my days reading His book and praying and spending some happy moments with my family. I was re-establishing my faith with my maker.

After two months, my husband came to take me back. He said sorry. He cried like a little baby in front of me. He told me how important I was in his life. He said he needed me badly. I couldn’t ask for anything more. We were again happy in our own little world.

Obviously, It didn’t happen in a single day. We were still struggling. There were days I would tear apart completely and cry for days thinking about my weakness. There were days when we were out on weekends and the sight of a happy family in front of us saddened my husband. He never cursed me but I knew how bad he felt. Those were the days when we relied only on Allah. I would cry out to Him, asked Him for sabr because that was the only thing that would keep us going and He The Almighty answered. He gave us utmost patience. He softened my husband’s heart. He filled our heart with Eman. He was surely there all the time.

Though the lack of kids still breaks me apart but I know who should I turn to for my sadness now.

Truly the slave of Allah needs no one but Him. He is the healer of every pain. He is Ar Rahmaan and Ar Raheem. The most compassionate and very merciful.