Nothing brings a father more joy than seeing his kids happy and getting settled in their life. It makes me so happy to see that my little rock star son is ready to finally share his life with someone. Since you at getting married in a week, I feel it’s my responsibility to let you know your rights towards your wife.
Marriage doesn’t come easy, son. No matter how cheesy and exciting it sounds, It comes with a big responsibility, it comes with a heavy price. Not every man is capable enough to fulfil his obligations that Allah has ordained him in Quran towards his wife. Remember when you sign those paper and accept her as a wife, you are promising Allah that you will take care of her just like her father did and remember your witness is none other than the angels themselves. Remember that by signing those paper you have accepted to protect her, love her, cherish her and fulfil all her rights. Now you may say “Well everyone does that” but son, let me tell you, No not everyone is capable enough to do that. Being brought up in a Desi culture, wives here are not treated as how our Prophet (saws) used to treat them. We see a wife as a house wife, someone who could cook, clean and do the dishes, someone who can iron her husband’s clothes and get them properly done before him leaving for office, someone who can look after kids, in laws and all her husbands relatives. Someone who is suppose to kill all her desires and happiness for her husband’s family and her children. Someone who is not suppose to speak in front of her in laws, someone who is constantly asked to be on active mode 24/7 and someone who has to adjust her life based on her husband’s preferences.
Allah mentioned in Holy Quran Surah Nisa:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,
This ayah implies that a man has to look after his wife. A man is a maintainer and protector of women and not vice-versa. Today we practise just the opposite. Today a wife has to look after her husband’s need. If she doesn’t cook food for a single day, there will be no one else to cook on her behalf. A wife is no where asked to cook, clean or do the dishes in the Holy Quran . It was always her husbands duty to feed her. I know now you will say “A man earns for his wife” but son, that’s not enough. The ayah says it’s your duty to do all the chores that she does. Our prophet (saws) the greatest man to walk on earth did all his chores himself. Aisha the wife of Prophet (saws) was asked “What did the Prophet (saws) used to do at home?” and she said “He (saws) used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time of prayer, he would go to pray.”
Well if you are lucky enough to get a wife who happily does all these things without complaining,
Thank Allah. Indeed you are blessed! She is doing something beyond her rights.
Today it is looked down by our society if a man helps his wife at home.
Son, Allah has granted Men a rank higher than Women.
Verily Allah says in the Holy Quran Surah Baqarah:
وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ
but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.
Allah has given men a status higher than women, not because we can rule over them or act bossy but because we have to protect her with all that we could. We have to look after her with our health and wealth.
Keep these ayahs in your mind all your life and I’m sure you will prove to be the best husband to her. Spoil her at times, she deserves it. Lend your ears when she wants to speak, take her on holidays even if she doesn’t ask for, be there for her whenever she needs you, pamper her like a child, go on outings (even if it is a small evening walk), surprise her at times, talk to her about her dreams (she may have many), help her in establishing herself, cook for her on days when you’re at home.
Just be there for her, for you are her only family.
Trust me son, you can’t earn a women just with your money, sometimes all they need is your comforting presence.
Be the husband that I couldn’t be to your mom. Surely the Prophet (saws) said it right
“The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.”
Assalamu alaiekum warahmatullahi wabarkatahu. I wanted to write on this topic for so long and the reason was our society. We live in a culture where wives are treated as a maid, trust me she is nothing more than a maid in a house. I’m not saying every household is same but many are still. When I read about the status of women in Islam, I wonder what are we following? Our Prophet (saws) came as a mercy to mankind and specially for us women, he wiped away the Jahilliya (ignorance) that were prevailing in Arab back then but then why are we following it again?
Please read it and share with your male colleagues, friends and family.
Also this post is in no way demeaning a man’s status. Allah has granted them a higher position and it still retains. Truly Allah is All Wise and Just.